I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do vagina's smell?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
