I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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