I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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