If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
