I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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