Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
