If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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