vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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