We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
