Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
