You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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