This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
