i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
