Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
