Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
