I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My dick has a subreddit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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