my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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