she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
