So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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