rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
