new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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