Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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