My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
