you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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