Can i not drive my cunt home
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
