Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
