I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Watching her eat just hurts me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
