I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
