I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
