I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
