the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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