So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
