Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need water and some morals
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
