I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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