The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
