so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
