theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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