i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
