I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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