Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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