good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
