my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
