Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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