Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
