A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
