So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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