my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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