There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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