Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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