Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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