i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
